An old lady is speeding down a highway, when she spots a police officer with a speed gun.

The officer motions for her to pull over, then approaches up and asks her, smiling: “What’s the rush?” “I’m late for work.” “Sure,” the officer replies, “What do you do?” “I’m a rectal distender.”

“A what?” A rectal distender? “What exactly is that?” “Well, you see, I start with one finger, then another, and so on, until the entire hand is in. I work from side to side until I can fit both hands in, and then I slowly but steadily enlarge the rectum until it’s approximately 6 feet wide.”“And what the hell do you do with a 6 feet asshole?” “Give him a  speed gun and put him by the side of the road.”